No warnings for this chapter.
Recap: Ebony went to the MCR concert, accompanied by Draco, Vampire, Willow (who died, but is better now), Diabolo, B’loody Mary, and Dracula (Neville). The plot twist from before happened again, but this time Dumbledore interrupted by flying in dressed in a goth outfit, which is how the chapter ended.
AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter!
Aww, look, they’ve made amends. As mentioned several times previously, this doesn’t mean Raven will be beta reading the fic ever again.
ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!
Not sure swearing makes you more goffik, but Tara’s an expert, so I won’t question her on this one.
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I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.
Ebony’s outfit descriptions were tedious to me when I first read this fic, but now I enjoy them and appreciate all the different looks she serves, and that’s growth.
(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)
I’m not gonna comment too much on this because none of it makes sense anyway, but putting lace “all over” a broom seems like it’d affect the aerodynamics, no? I guess brooms of the type used for flying are already enchanted to make them aerodynamic, but the basic shape of the thing and the materials used probably still matter.
Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant.
You can tell Tara thought this was a clever detail. Hell, I used a similar detail symbolically in a short story once, so I’m not even sure I get to disagree with her on this one.
And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.
Is she implying that Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys are pretending to be goth? That’s news to me, but, again, Tara’s the expert here.
“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Mary and Willow. B’loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets.
See what I mean? These outfits rule. Only the finest in 2006 mall-goth style in this story.
Vampire, Dracula and Draco came.
That’s maybe taking it a bit far.
We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.
I’d hang out with this crowd. I figure if I dressed solely in clothes I bought from Hot Topic and started a conversation about which MCR album is the most depressing or something I’d fit right in. Anyway, fuck Rowling’s Hogwarts, I wanna attend Tara’s version where I have a clique of incompetent but cute goth boys following me around and we go to emo concerts together every weekend.
“Those guys are so fucking hot.” Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came.
Well, I guess he agrees.
He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.
“……………….DUMBLEDORE?1!” we all gasped.
So I know this is a new look for Dumbledore in this fic, but they saw him in the goth getup just last night. I don’t think it’s shocking anymore.
“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!”
I don’t think anyone who puts on a fake MCR show is scared of either white foundation or black hair dye.
“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”
Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer.
If I remember Harry Potter correctly, there’s one table per house, so is Tara implying that everyone in Gryffindor is a fake goth? Because that wouldn’t surprise me.
Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.
Again, far be it from me to call Tara’s goff cred into question, but I’m not sure why Dumbledore is a poser in her book; as established previously, most of the goffik characters in this story didn’t come out the womb that way (in fact, it’s possible none of them did, but we don’t really know about Ebony or Willow). Dumbledore fucked up with the band posters, of course, and I’ve got no idea why he thinks Avril Lavigne is goth, but he’s like 2 days into the whole thing and presumably his taste could become… more refined.
“BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.
This is my favorite part of this chapter, because his actual first name is Albus.
“What a fucking poser!” Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything.
Great joke. Also, Draco has two hands!
“I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Willow shouted.
I bet he isn’t, because he’s way too old for that. End-of-life crisis, maybe.
I was so fucking angry.
Ebony’s had a lot of reasons to get riled throughout the fic — her boyfriend got kidnapped, two older men spied on her in the bath, she’s had numerous run-ins with the Dark Lord, and so on — but I guess nothing really gets her goat as much as an old man doing a subpar job at being goff.