There’s some drug use in this chapter.
Recap: Ebony and Draco went to the MCR concert only to find out partway through that it wasn’t really MCR, it was Voldemort and the “Death Dealers” wearing masks. But wait, before you start questioning the logistics of that, Tara decided to revise the chapter and instead Ebony went to go hang out with B’loody Mary before the concert. They talked about Willow, who got expelled for failing all her classes and was then murdered and Lupin had sex with her corpse (this is all because Tara is angry that Raven isn’t beta reading her fic anymore). B’loody Mary and Ebony then went clothes shopping at a goth store in Hogsmeade, where the attractive employee, Tom Rid (no relation to Voldemort), gave Ebony a dress for free because she looked hot in it. Hagrid showed up then and told Ebony to get back to the castle immediately.
AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage.
I really fucking wish I had a link to that quiz. I need to know whether I’m goffik enough for Tara’s standards.
if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn’t rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!
Looks like Tara feels bad about her treatment of Raven/Willow in the last chapter. Make up already, you two.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free.
I have to reiterate: this OC, regardless of what his last name is (he was “Tom Rid” last chapter), has nothing to do with Voldemort despite having the exact same goddamn name.
He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual).
See? All goth boys are bi in this story. Love it.
Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts.
Tara, don’t spell it like that.
“WTF Hargrid?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Willow came.
Thought she died, so that’s impressive.
Hargird went away angrily.
I don't know if Hagrid yelling at them is plot-important or not. I’m guessing it’s not. Could be wrong, though.
“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said.
“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Willow’s really pretty and everything.
Oh, we’re sucking up now, I see how it is.
She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz.
Is the miniskirt black or is it blood-red?
Compared to other outfit descriptions, this one seems pretty halfhearted. Methinks Tara is half-assing her apology to Raven.
She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything.
That description’s pretty halfhearted too. I like that Tara’s failed to describe anything about Willow’s body besides the tits.
She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
Usually when I see this comment get made I trust that the character being described that way isn’t actually anorexic and is just naturally skinny, but… this is a fic where everyone is Goffik™ with Serious Issues™ so… is she?
“So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?” she asked.
“Yah.” I said happily.
“I’m gong with Diabolo.” she anserred happily.
Pretty sure this pairing doesn’t go anywhere. Also I’ve never seen anyone self-ship with Ron Weasley, so I’m not sure what it says about Tara and Raven’s friendship that Tara paired Willow up with Ron.
Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2.
Outfit descriptions incoming!
Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower.
Draco is literally in leather pants. I don’t know if this is an intentional nod to “The Draco Trilogy,” Cassandra Clare’s notorious HP fanfic from the ‘00s (before her Mortal Instruments series was published), which is where the term “Draco in leather pants” (used today to describe an unsympathetic and/or villainous character getting a sexy, sympathetic portrayal in fanfiction) originated, or if Draco Malfoy literally wearing leather pants was a common trope at the time as a nod to the aforementioned massively popular fanfic trilogy, or if he’s just being goffik… but it’s fun to speculate.
B’loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now.
Wow, he and B’loody Mary will have a lot to talk about since they have the exact same backstory.
(For the benefit of those reading who aren’t Harry Potter fans, Neville is, in canon, a Gryffindor student who spends the first several books getting picked on for just about everything. He’s deeply unpopular, but a good kid, and he takes several levels in badass near the end of the series. However, this fic was written before the complete HP series had been published, so Tara would have mostly had his depiction as a meek, awkward boy who always fucks up in Potions class to go on. Not that it matters to her.)
He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now.
…why? I haven’t been questioning the nicknames, but you know what, I should. We know Vampire got his because he “loves the taste of human blood,” but everyone else’s new name is a mystery. Fill us in, Tara.
Well anyway we al went 2 Draco’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him.
Lucius. But sure.
(Wait. Draco’s dad gave him the magic car? The thing I said was really illegal, breaks a wizarding social taboo about enchanted Muggle technology, and that Draco’s upper-class wizarding family would never allow him to own? His dad gave him that? Wow. Okay.)
We did pot, coke and crak.
Great! By the way, I’m not sure anything is a bigger giveaway that you’ve never smoked weed than referring to it as “doing pot.”
Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps.
Business as usual, I see.
We soon got there…….I gapsed.
Concert scene, take 2! Yes, the plot twist from before is going to happen again, and, yes, I’m still never gonna be ready for it.
Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice.
Does Tara know what “ethnic” means? Honest question, because this is such a baffling use of the word that my best guess is she doesn’t know its definition. Gerard Way is white (Scots-American?) and from New Jersey, for context.
We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz.
C’mon, Tara, surely you can name some MCR songs besides “Helena.” I believe in you, girl.
Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped.
Here we go again!
It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came.
Look, guys, I know you liked the concert but this is a bit ridiculous.
It was…….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
You know what my favorite part of this is? She didn’t copy/paste the scene. She rewrote it. She was so dedicated to this utterly absurd and nonsensical plot twist that she wrote it out, in its entirety, twice. And that’s exactly how it should be, because this is fucking masterful.
“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily.
Voldy’s been hanging out with McGonagall, I see.
“Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Draco!”
“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.
Excuse me? His knife?
Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!
I could not fucking make this stuff up if I tried. I just couldn’t fucking do it.