Self-harm in this chapter again. Honestly, it’d probably be easier to note the chapters where self-harm isn’t mentioned at this point.
Recap: After getting ready for the MCR concert, Ebony left her room to find Snape and Lupin having sex in the middle of a hallway for some reason. She promptly took a photo to use as blackmail material. After that, she met up with Vampire, who told her Draco wasn’t planning on attending the concert after all, so the two of them went together. While at the concert, Vampire and Ebony were making out and enjoying themselves when they noticed Draco was also there, crying in a corner.
AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help.
I love how Tara blames Raven for not fixing her spelling errors and calls her a bitch, then immediately apologizes. These two have ostensibly made up, but I get the sense their friendship may still be on the rocks a bit.
btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!
God I hope she really is vacationing in Transylvania. What an excellent goth vacation.
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Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. “Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.
Please someone explain to me what a gothic voice is. I really gotta know.
“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.
Well, if he’s running in a suicidal way, that would indeed be the implication.
(How do you run in a suicidal way? Does that mean he’s running with no regard for his own wellbeing? Straight into objects and walls?)
“Its ok Enoby.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”
“U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.
I’m kind of tickled by their relationship drama, because it’s abundantly obvious that all three of them would probably be happiest if they all just agreed to dating each other, given the mutual attraction between all of them… and yet none of them think of that.
And yes, I know polyamory isn’t for everybody, but Ebony clearly has no problem acting on her attraction to both these boys and the boys only get upset about it when one of them gets left out of the fun, so I’m willing to bet that the three of them dating each other would work out just peachy.
“Draco please come!” he began to cry.
Come where? At least Tara didn’t spell it as “cum” this time, I guess.
Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)
I tend to give Tara the benefit of the doubt with her fetishization of men who love men, given that (if I take her at face value and assume she isn’t trolling) she’s a young teenager writing fanfiction in 2006 and would likely not know any better, but as a bisexual man myself I feel I have to point out that straight women who fetishize gay and bi men are also being homophobic by dehumanizing us and reducing us to the sex we have with other men. Not to get serious in a review of “My Immortal” or anything. (Or to ignore that typo. Fuck off, homophones!)
And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke.
I’ve heard of Coke Zero but never Invincibility Coke.
(Since I try and comment on Harry Potter lore whenever it’s relevant so that people who haven’t read the books or seen the films know exactly how ridiculous Tara’s take on things is, Harry does, in canon, have an invisibility cloak that used to belong to his dad. The material looks silvery when it’s not being worn, and, of course, when it is worn, it and anything beneath it are invisible. Tara decided it would be more goffik if it was black, I guess, but I don’t see that there’s really a point since of course you can’t see it when it’s in use.)
We both gut under it.
Really? Harry and friends managed to pull that off as kids because they were, well, kids, and the cloak is sized for an adult. Ebony and Vampire are both seventeen and it seems like this would be quite a bit harder to do.
We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.
…oh my god. Okay, so the groundskeeper’s name is Filch, and he’s usually accompanied by his cat, Mrs. Norris. It seems that Tara has mixed up Filch with his cat.
“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come.
Yup, she sure did! “Filth” is kind of a hilarious name for a cat, actually. Remind me of it next time I’m looking to adopt a kitten.
He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.
Tara mixed up the cat’s gender, too, but luckily I think cats don’t care about gender. Good for them.
“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Norris.
“No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.
Under his breast. Tara Gilesbie, trans representation kween!
“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked.
I’m absolutely losing my shit at this. Granted, maybe “Mr. Norris” has figured out that they’re using the invisibility cloak because he can’t see his cat, but it sounds a hell of a lot like he’s perfectly aware that there’s a cloak there, he just doesn’t know if anyone is under it. Which means basically it’s a regular cloak.
(Also, what, does he think the cloak is just walking about on its own, without someone wearing it? Given the setting that’s probably not impossible, but… wow, that one sentence really just raised a lot of questions.)
Filth nodded.
The cat nodded. Now, in the books, Mrs. Norris is definitely a smart cat and seems to be on the same page as Filch when it comes to hunting down students who are out wandering the castle at night, but… the cat nodded in response to a question. Holy shit. Also I think the cat is still under the cloak, so maybe meowing would have made more sense anyway.
And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1
Yeah, so he could definitely see the cloak if he was able to do that. Maybe Tara got it right the first time when she said it was a cloak of invincibility instead of invisibility.
“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him.
So I guess they just left the cloak? That’s fair, it seems to have been malfunctioning anyway.
And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.
Maybe an apology is in order, Ebony. You too, Vampire.
“Draco!” I cried. “R u okay?”
“I guess though.” Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other.
So what did Vampire do?
Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together.
They both sleep in coffins. What’s with the bed?
Also, I’d like to note that everyone seems to have forgotten all about Draco’s surprise for Ebony that was mentioned two chapters ago. That’s okay, I nearly did too.
As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now.
Everyone get ready for the next sentence.
There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1
Fug and da Mystery of Magic.
Good fucking fanfic.