I truly have no excuse for not updating this MST sooner, so I won’t give one. To make up for it in some small way, I’ll be posting a couple more chapters tonight.
There’s a (very brief) sex scene in this chapter, as well as some self-harm.
Recap: Ebony and Draco had an argument over nothing, so Ebony retreated to the bathroom to cry and smoke weed. She was interrupted by Dumbledore, who told her Draco has a surprise for her.
AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.
I hope to god she’s actually vacationing in Transylvania, although it seems unlikely and I’m guessing she’s really going someplace considerably less goffic.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
All day I wondered what the surprise was.
I guess just asking Draco about it is out of the question.
Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots.
Well, I called it on the black leather aspect of the outfit. Assuming this is what she wears to the concert, which doesn’t seem like a safe assumption given the amount this girl changes clothes.
MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited.
Hey, regarding Ebony’s self-harm habit. Do vampires bleed? They’re undead and don’t generally have a pulse, so I guess slit wrists on a vampire would logically only bleed as much as slit wrists on a corpse. Assuming vampires even have blood in their circulatory systems, which I think is something that varies in vampire lore.
Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom.
I like that she specified that the clothes were black, in case she has a secret colorful wardrobe hidden somewhere that we’ve yet to hear about.
Also I’m not sure you can mosh solo, come to think of it. Isn’t moshing largely about colliding with other people?
I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.
Angling for a pre-concert lay, eh?
“Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.
…didn’t he get sent to St. Mungo’s? Why is he still allowed on school grounds?
“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.
No, you can’t borrow condoms, you idiot. She’s not gonna want them back after. Least, I hope not.
(Do she and Draco even use condoms? It’s never been mentioned before, and I don’t think pregnancy or STIs are concerns for vampires.)
“Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.
“Fuker.” He said, gong away.
Again… why isn’t he in treatment? Or at the very least, fired?
Side note, there’s something particularly unsavory about “Loopin” being a sex offender in this story considering that JKR intended the werewolves in her books to serve as HIV/AIDS allegories. Although JKR as a straight woman did a terrible job of that to begin with (a notorious werewolf in the HP books, Fenrir, preyed on children, which combined with the HIV parallels sounds an awful lot like the “gay men prey on children” trope, and also she didn’t actually make any of the werewolves gay or bi).
Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1
…well, I guess Tara tried to make amends regarding that last point. Though I think in this context it actually makes things worse.
Also, in front of the house elf? Seriously?
“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me.
Tara actually thinks “ludicrous” is spelled like that. God bless her.
Dobby ran away crying.
Why didn’t he do that sooner?
…oh, no, is he upset that Ebony interrupted?
Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps.
Is that really the issue here? Not that they, you know, spied on you in the bathroom?
(btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)
As ridiculous as this is, it actually makes more sense in the context of the story, since Tara’s version of Snape has been staunchly anti-goff and is also a Christian while da reel goffs are Satanists. So… whatever.
“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)
You did indeed spell that, but you used the word wrong, so swing and a miss.
“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Lumpkin shouted angrily.
Lumpkin.
“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.
None of this should have happened to begin with. Why are they fucking in a hallway? Why did Lupin think it was appropriate to ask a student for condoms, especially Ebony, whom he spied on and secretly recorded? Why the hell was Dobby there?
“You dimwit!.” Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them.
Okay, but… was her camera in a goffik camera pouch? Curious minds would like to know.
U could see that they were naked and everything.
Well… yeah, it’s a photo, and they are indeed naked.
(Is this an enchanted camera? In the Harry Potter world, photographs can be enchanted to move on their own. I’m just wondering, since having a photo where the two of them can be observed actually having sex would be even more damning.)
“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”
“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked.
Leave the snarking to me, Ebony.
“So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Dumbledork.
Fair enough, but they’ve never caught her having sex with Draco.
Also: Dumbledork.
So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it.
…sure.
Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.
I fucking love this line.
“WTF where’d Draco?” I asked him.
“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed.
For the love of Satan (geddit), please stop spelling it that way.
“U wanna cum with me?
Well, you two tried to fuck in the middle of class several chapters ago, so I’m betting she does.
2 the concert?”
Oh, glad you clarified that.
Then….. he showed me his flying car.
How many fucking flying cars are there in this fic? I get it, flying cars are cool, but… this is also really illegal.
I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him.
“Dogfather” might just be a typo, but I’m gonna give Tara credit and say that she was making a joke here (Sirius can turn into a dog). It’s a good pun.
The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘ENOBY’ on it.
Mismatched license plates?
……….I gasped.
We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.
Given previous events, I suggest checking to see if they’ve got masks on.
Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik.
Uh, I assume Draco is also at the concert. What’s he going to think if he sees this? I know he told Vampire he wasn’t going to the concert, but I assumed that was related to the surprise he had for Ebony and that he actually did plan on going.
Also, since I haven’t yet mentioned it, let me just say that while I’m sick of the love triangle trope in general I don’t mind this iteration of it at all. Most of the time, this trope involves two boys pining after the same girl, and generally she only has a legitimate interest in one of them (as with the Edward/Bella/Jacob love triangle in Twilight) or she isn’t super interested in either (as with the Gale/Katniss/Peeta love triangle in The Hunger Games). Ebony is dating Draco and seems most invested in that relationship, but also clearly likes Vampire quite a lot, and — and this is the part I like best — the two boys also like each other. Clearly the solution is that all three of them should date each other, but, hey, they’re dumb teenagers, I’ll give them time to figure that one out.
I gapsed, looking at da band.
I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall.
“Helena” is the opening track on “Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge,” MCR’s latest album at the time Tara wrote this, so it makes sense to open a concert with that track — on the other hand, though, it seems like this is kind of Tara’s go-to MCR song, since it’s nearly always the one she references. In fact, I think she’s only mentioned one or two other songs of theirs.
…Tara, are you a poser? Or even a prep?
……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.
I can’t blame him. Imagine you’re planning some sort of (probably romantic) surprise for your girlfriend and then you see her making out with your ex-boyfriend while completely ignoring you. Come on, you two, at least let Draco in on the action.