This chapter touches on addiction… sorta. It doesn’t make any sense or have any particular bearing on real life, I just thought I’d mention it in case.
Recap: Ebony went back in time to seduce teenage Voldemort as previously discussed. The plan is for her to remain in the past for just one hour this time, as she’s to do this over multiple sessions for whatever reason.
AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111
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“Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Enoby Way da new student.” I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.
Normally I would think absolutely nothing of a character with a long name choosing to introduce themself with simply their first and last, but Ebony has always introduced herself with her full name previously. Which makes me think “Ebony Way” (or Enoby, as the case may be) is her attempt at creating an alias… except that’s still her actual given name and surname.
“Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”
I probably don’t need to explain Voldemort’s name to anybody, but, what the hell, just in case: Voldemort’s given name is Tom Marvolo Riddle, which is an anagram for “I am Lord Voldemort” and presumably part of how he chose said moniker. You will notice that he already has a middle name and that it is not Satan. Also, Marvolo as a nickname has potential already so I don’t know why Tara changed it unless she forgot that that’s his middle name. She did forget, didn’t she?
We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Satan said. I followed him. “Hey Satan……..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.
So… I haven’t bothered pointing this out earlier, but while “My Immortal” is clearly set in the mid-00s when it was written, Harry Potter canon takes place in the 90s. In book two, we learn Voldemort was a Hogwarts student fifty years ago, which would mean he attended in the 1940s. His adolescence entirely predates modern goth and punk subcultures, let alone fucking Green Day. But uh… good try, Ebony?
“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s)
I know this is pointless but let’s pick apart the implication that in this story’s timeline, Voldemort was a teenager in the 1980s. This means he’s substantially younger than he is in canon, young enough to have gone to school with Harry’s parents, Snape, Lupin, and Sirius. (In canon the Marauders and their peers would have attended Hogwarts in the 70s, if I’m doing my math right, but remember Tara’s also retconned the main plot to take place in the 00s.) Honestly, this is a less insane timeline retcon than many I’ve seen and one could probably make it work, but it does imply a whole different sequence of events playing out during Voldemort’s rise to power. He would have to have jumped on it immediately after graduating, quickly made several Horcruxes, started a war, caused pandemonium, and then immediately got ghosted trying to kill baby Harry while he was still a twenty-something. No, I don’t think Tara thought about any of this or cared, but that can’t stop me!
“omg me too!” I replied happily.
“guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered.
“hogsment?” I asked.
“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“
‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.
He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.
I got a lot of questions. How does Voldemort (I guess I may as well start calling this version “Satan,” actually, he’s more or less a whole new character) know what’s going to happen in the future? Does this imply he may have traveled forward in time himself? Why is he moaning?
“ohh.” now everything was making sense for me.
That’s great. Makes one of us.
“so is dumblydor your princepill?” I shouted.
“uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “im in slitherin’”
“OMfG SHME TOO!” I SHRIEDKED.
“u go to this skull?”(geddit cos im goffik) he asked.
“yah that’s why im here im NEW.” I SMELLED HAPPili.
Prose is especially coherent this chapter, I see.
Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID GOFFS!”
Love the mental image of him flying a broomstick around indoors. Also shredding at them angrily, which makes me assume he also has a guitar.
satan rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we’re in slytherine and we’re not preps.”
I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord.”
…hey, Ebony? Isn’t this supposed to be an undercover mission to seduce Voldemort and stop him from becoming the Dark Lord? Why are you accusing him outright of being evil when 1) he’s not evil yet and 2) the whole point of your stealth seduction mission is to prevent him from turning evil?
“wtf?” he asked angrily.
“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly.
Well, uh, I sure hope he bought that.
then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.”
“hey where r u goin?” satan asked as I fell.
Absolutely love that Satan takes this in stride and simply asks Ebony where she’s going (which of course is a hilarious thing to ask her on its own, given the circumstances), and that no one else reacts beyond giving Ebony a weird look.
I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry’s classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. “dumblydore I think I just met u.” I said.
“oh yeah I rememba that.” dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik.
This is another genuinely hilarious line, and, honestly, it’s this sort of dialogue that makes me lean the hardest towards thinking the author is trolling. This, to me, feels like genuine skill shining through. You can imagine this exchange playing out as written, and it works. It’s got comic timing.
Then again, if I assume Tara isn’t a troll, I still have to applaud her for writing this. There’s a reason people still talk about this fanfic fifteen years after it was written, and, while people will say it’s because it’s “the worst fanfic of all time,” let’s be real… it isn’t. Not by a long shot. Most bad fanfiction is terrible in a trite, unremarkable way, or else it’s just genuinely unpleasant to read. This story, while not always that comprehensible (to put it mildly), succeeds in being entertaining all the way through. It takes skill to fuck up this badly. The vast majority of authors could never pull this off.
sinister came in. “hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?”
:”um.” I looked at her.
“oh yeaH I forgot bout that.”
I don’t recall if it’s explicitly stated, but I’m left to assume that Ebony was in the past for one hour (as pre-discussed) and that she came back one hour after she left (the group from when she left is no longer present, and Dumbledore is there; so some time has passed, but not much). So yes, it seems unreasonable for Trevolry to have forgotten she sent Ebony back in time. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though — it’s actually about to be addressed!
“wth how?” I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok.
professor sinster looked sad. “um I was drinking voldemortserum.”
Again — Veritaserum is canonically a truth potion, and as far as we know has no other effects on its users. When it was used before in this fic, it was to get information out of Snape, so it’s a truth potion here too. Nothing about it causing memory loss, or (since this is what’s ultimately being implied) the potion being addictive, has come up before.
she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn’t know about them.
“hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear.
Crying tears of blood is par for the course in this fic by now, and I’ve even accepted that it doesn’t seem to be a vampire thing but is just something goths do when the mood hits. Black tears of depression, though? That’s new.
“fuck off!” we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.
professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum.”
AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112
So obviously there’s little use arguing that this twist makes no sense, because that’s never stopped Tara before. However, if you’re going to write a character as being addicted to truth serum, why have it manifest solely as a memory issue? In a competently written story I can imagine this leading in some fun directions — maybe a character addicted to truth serum would over time become completely unable to lie, and might compulsively tell the truth in situations where lying or staying silent would be wiser. But this is not that.
Anyway, yes, this is Trevolry’s little character arc I referenced earlier. I don’t recall that it goes anywhere; this might actually be how it concludes. Hope you’ve all enjoyed it.