Aside from yet another brief self-harm reference, there are no warnings for this chapter.
Recap: Ebony and Draco were having sex in Draco’s flying car when Ebony had a sudden vision of a “black guy” (though I can’t even be sure that description refers to his race) shooting Sirius and Lucius.
AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11
Guess I wasn’t alone in noticing that the first time Tara describes a character as black, he’s shooting at the good guys. I like her rebuttal. She doesn’t explain what she wrote but she does say she wasn’t being racist, so I guess she must not have been being racist! That clears it all up!
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A few mutates later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.
The situation may be dire, but Ebony’s still focused on the outfits her (boy)friends are wearing? Iconic. Relatable, even.
“Hi Vampire.” I said flirtily as I started to sob.
This sentence gets passed around out of context whenever people are talking about this fanfic, but I think it’s even funnier in context.
Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me.
Thought you two just got finished comfrotting each other.
I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.
“Oh fuck it!” Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. “What fucking dick did that!”
Well, he’s the only black person in the entire story, so he shouldn’t be too tough to find.
“I don’t know.” I said. “Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor.”
We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.
In canon, I’m pretty sure getting into Dumbledore’s office is a bit of an ordeal — like, the entrance itself is hidden, there’s a password, and so forth. I don’t think you can just barge in. But who cares.
“Sire are dads have been shot!” Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. “Enoby had a vision in a dreem.”
Absolutely love the mental image of Draco crying and the other two literally wiping his tears away. Why aren’t they all dating each other yet?
Dubleodre started to cockle. “Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony’s not divisional?”
Tara really is the goddamn queen of typing words as other words that sound vaguely similar to the intended word.
Anyway, I know Dumbledore is less than sympathetic in this story, but he’s got a point.
I glared at Dumbledore.
“Look motherfucker.” he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter). “U know very well that I’m not decisional. Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!”
This is all a bit confusing, because it’s Ebony who glares at Dumbledore but Draco who verbally responds, but Draco says he’s not delusional (or divisional/decisional) even though that was said about Ebony, not him. I won’t comment on “pornto.” At least it’s not toot of crakter.
“Okay.” he said in a intimated voice. “Were are they?”
I fought about it. Then all of a sudden….. “Longdon.” I said. I told him which street.
I’m willing to believe Ebony could figure out the location was London just from observing the setting of the dream (not that we were given said setting), but the street name? Did this happen on a particularly famous street, or did the shooting occur right in front of a street sign?
He went and called some people and did some stuff. After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found.
And that’s the entire resolution of the arc. Sirius and Lucius both survive, the shooter is never identified or caught, a motive is never established, none of this has any effect on anything. The economy in writing is incredible. Rowling, take notes.
Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room.
Was he just like, “alright, guys, I’m gonna head out so I can slit my wrists,” and they were like, “cool”? Isn’t he human despite his nickname, and thus capable of seriously or fatally wounding himself? Why do Ebony and Draco just let him go do this? Why does he tell them he’s going to go do this?
We looked at each other’s gothic, derperessed eyes.
Nice typo.
Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers……………………….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1
No, Sinister isn’t on a stretcher, she’s walking in behind the stretchers. I had to read the beginning of the next chapter to figure that out.