Crazy past couple of weeks, huh? I won’t get into it, I just feel like we can all agree on that one.
Another sex scene this chapter.
Recap: Trevolry told Ebony that the plan is for Ebony to go back in time to when Voldemort was a teenager attending Hogwarts and seduce him, thus preventing the chain of events that led to him turning evil (him getting his heart broken by someone else, apparently). Ebony hasn’t gotten a chance to talk to the boys about it yet because everyone was still celebrating Sirius and Lucius getting rescued.
AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111
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We went in2 a blak room. The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them.
MCR is (well, was) an emo band, Good Charlotte are pop-punk or something, and Marilyn Manson is not a band. Good try, though!
A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings and a blak leather thong underneath.
Solid aesthetic. Although describing Ebony’s underwear as though it’s part of the overall outfit is a little weird. I actually don’t need to know what underwear she has on.
I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.
“Are you okay?” Vampir asked potting his albastard hand on mine.
Love this typo. Tried to think of a joke about Vampire being a bastard to go with this one but seeing as his parents died that just seems a bit cruel.
He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it.
You tryna show him up or what?
“Yah I guess.” I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily.
Oh, just date each other already, the three of you! This tension is driving me nuts.
I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick.
The description of the lipstick could have gone with the outfit description. I don’t think Ebony is using her lipstick to enable her to smile. Although maybe she is? I guess since there’s magic in this story I can’t rule it out, huh?
“The problem is……………………….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time”
Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him.
“Itz okay Eboby.” he said finally. “But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?”
I like that his main concern seems to be whether or not they’re still dating even if she has to go seduce another guy, and not that the other guy in question is the Dark Lord. Who keeps threatening to kill Draco’s ex-boyfriend as well as his current girlfriend.
Maybe that sounds too critical. I kind of do like it in a genuine way; it feels like realistic teenager priorities and I totally buy it for Draco’s character as established in this story.
“Of coarse not!” I gasped.
“Really?” he asked.
“Sure.” I said.
She sounds real convinced.
We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.
I really think you should just let him join at this point.
Then………… I took off Draco’s MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone.
Sylvester?
He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way.
I’m not sure if the takeaway here is supposed to be that Gerard Way is hung, but I hope so.
Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).
What, in the deleted scenes? Let him join!
I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.
We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.
His spock. I was gonna make a Star Trek joke but, you know what, I’m not even gonna bother going there. Think of your own if you like.
“I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u.” he screamed as we got an orgasm. We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly.
Y’all. I think when you’ve gotten to the point of being perfectly okay with fucking in front of your friend, who you are clearly both attracted to, you can just go ahead and make it official.
I’m not genuinely frustrated with this plot point because, again, I buy this dynamic given they’re all teenagers and clearly not the brightest about navigating relationships. This doesn’t ring false at all. I think I’ve really gotten to the point where I like this variant of the love triangle trope enough that despite all odds I’m feeling a bit invested in how it all works out. Even though I’ve read the fanfic and know it ends abruptly on a cliffhanger and this tension never really gets resolved. (Sorry for spoilers if you’ve somehow never read this fic before.)
Suddenly………………………….
“WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!”
They’re fucking in a coffin while Vampire films. I think it’s pretty clear.
It was………………………….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111
Clearly they’ve got headaches. Whatever Dumbledore had must have been contagious, or they’ve all got eye strain from looking at the new decor in the Great Hall.
Hey, before we wrap this up, I thought I’d talk bigger-picture on the dumb teen antics in this story. Specifically, I want to compare it to canon. In the first three or so books of the Harry Potter series, when Harry is 11-13 years old, he and his peers are written less like children and more like little adults — this is pretty common in children’s lit, especially when the “adults are useless” trope is also in play, as it gives the main characters more agency (and kids of a certain age often think of themselves as little adults anyhow, so it rings true for them). Then, around the fourth or fifth book, JKR transitioned into writing the characters more like realistic teenagers — suddenly they’re hormonal, angsty, preoccupied with crushes, etc. It doesn’t, in my opinion, really work, because it reads like the characters lost emotional maturity they already had as eleven-year-olds. Ron, for instance, is perfectly willing to “sacrifice” himself in the giant chess game near the end of book 1 so that his friends can advance, and yet later in the series he’s constantly on the outs with one or both of his two best friends for petty reasons (like Harry getting picked for the Triwizard Tournament despite not entering and not really even wanting to participate, to name just one example). Then we have the Marauders flashback scene in book 5, which depicts teenage characters in a totally different style to how the other teens are written, but that’s a whole other can of worms.
Ebony and co. are of course written either by an unhinged tween/teen or by a troll who is probably also a teen and definitely also unhinged, and as such they do feel like authentic teenagers despite everything else. They’re immature, emotionally volatile, hormonal, obsessed with shit that doesn’t really matter when there are big pressing issues they should be worrying about more… but that’s just what being seventeen is like. Trying to reconcile this within the Harry Potter universe is a trip, though, because these characters feel younger and less mature than Harry and his friends did in Sorcerer’s Stone. I can’t imagine this bunch managing to work together long enough to keep Quirrel from getting the Stone, and yet presumably Harry “Vampire” Potter, Ron “Diabolo” Weasley, and Hermione “B’loody Mary Smith” Granger still have that backstory in this version, since we’ve not been told otherwise and obviously Quirrel did not get the Stone in this continuity. I know I’ve said multiple times that I’m being foolish even trying to make sense of this fic within any sort of canon framework, but we’re given nothing else to fill in the gaps and I’m left to assume that these characters all became Hot Topic goths and lost several levels in maturity between ages eleven and seventeen. I don’t have an ultimate point to make here, but it does create a pretty weird reading experience and I thought I’d mention it so that everyone else has to think about this too.