It’s hard to top the sheer absurdity of the last chapter, and yet this fic manages to do so many times. Impressive, honestly.
Recap: Ebony and Draco were having sex in the Forbidden Forest when they were interrupted by Dumbledore, who asked them what the hell they were doing (you motherfukers).
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr!
I like the author’s confidence that the only reason she’s getting negative feedback on this is that non-goffik people are reading her story.
Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!
Ah, the old “he’s acting out of character because he had a headache” excuse! Although I’m not sure anyone actually tried this so blatantly prior to Tara.
PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!
I don’t know if she ever got those five good reviews, but she definitely did update. I hope that people gave her good reviews just in the hopes that she’d keep the trainwreck going, but sadly there’s no way to know now.
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Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.
“You ludacris fools!” he shouted.
I’d make a Ludacris joke here, but honestly I don’t think I know enough about Ludacris to make any jokes about him. Or his music. I’ve honestly got no idea if he’s done noteworthy solo stuff or if he’s just one of those guys that gets featured in other people’s tracks a lot.
I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face.
There’s a lot of crying blood in this story. It’s not a vampire thing, either; Ebony’s not the only one who does it. I think maybe it’s a goth thing, but since it’s never explained or even discussed in the fic I have no real idea.
Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.
I don’t know why they’re angry before even finding out what happened. Maybe everyone has a headache.
“They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!” he yelled in a furious voice.
Tara said Dumbledore is mad because Ebony and Draco had sex, but, really, I would think that the location is the main problem here. Like I said, the Forbidden Forest is off-limits to students and highly dangerous. Both Ebony and Draco are seventeen, which makes them adults under wizarding law; a couple young adults sneaking off one evening to have sex shouldn’t be a punishable offense in itself.
Also the flying car thing. For at least the third time, the existence of an enchanted car is super fucking illegal and Draco should be in deep shit for having one.
“Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall.
McGonagall doesn’t appear too much in this fic, but she has, in my opinion, some downright awesome dialogue when she does show up. “You mediocre dunces” is a phrase that hasn’t left my brain since I first read this story.
“How dare you?” demanded Professor Snape.
And then Draco shrieked. “BECAUSE I LOVE HER!”
Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. “Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms.”
Yes, because Snape would be the one to acquiesce in this situation, not McGonagall (stern, but fair) or Dumbledore (known for eccentricity and the tendency to forgive even major slip-ups, headache aside). If canon!Snape left them escape the situation without severely penalizing both of them as well as taking a hefty amount of points from Slytherin, it’d be a miracle.
Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.
“Are you okay, Ebony?” Draco asked me gently.
“Yeah I guess.” I lied.
I’m not sure why Ebony is so upset, other than that Dumbledore just saw her naked. She got off scot-free. Or, actually, maybe the problem here is that she didn’t get off, if you get my drift.
I went to the girl’s dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….
Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing ‘I just wanna live’ by Good Charlotte.
In Gryffindor, boys can’t access the girls’ living quarters at all; if they try, the staircase converts to a slide. I don’t know if Slytherin House did something similar, but I wouldn’t be surprised, and it does strike me as a bit weird that Draco is allowed to hang out outside the girls’ bathroom.
Regarding the choice of song, “I Just Wanna Live” is about dealing with newfound fame in the music industry and absolutely doesn’t apply to this situation.
I was so flattered, even though he wasn’t supposed to be there.
Yeah, see? It’s against the rules, so there should probably be magic in place preventing that rule from being broken.
We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.
Okay, one last thing I want to address before we move on to the next chapter. How did Dumbledore know to find them in the Forbidden Forest? Did he spot the flying car? The story never addresses or even raises this question.