Sorry for the delay in updates; I’ll be making it up to you all by posting thrice today.
Recap: Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape were none too happy about Ebony and Draco sneaking off to have sex in the Forbidden Forest (although it seems that the Forbidden Forest aspect didn’t concern them, just the sex part), but they ended up letting them off after a talking-to. Ebony was pissed at Draco for some reason but forgave him after he sang to her outside the bathroom, because that’s romantic, I guess.
AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!
I still don’t know if she’s getting any good reviews at this point. Certainly I think her dialogue for Dumbledore and McGonagall merited some praise, but I can’t check if she received any.
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The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.
Remember the cross earrings for later. You’ll see why.
In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood.
I fucking love that she’s eating Count Chocula with blood instead of milk. Vampire icon.
Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.
If she was bumped into from behind, which seems most reasonable since she’s sitting at a table, wouldn’t the blood spill away from her, not towards her?
“Bastard!” I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.
Anyone wanna guess who this character is? Hint: not an OC. (Though he may as well be.)
He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face and he was wearing black lipstick.
So much eyeliner that you were going down his face? A bit forward, seeing as you just met him, but hey.
He didn’t have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco’s and there was no scar on his forhead anymore.
…yeah, this is Harry. Goth boy Harry who ditched the glasses for contacts and got rid of his scar somehow. Also got rid of his entire canon personality somehow.
He had a manly stubble on his chin.
He’s seventeen, so I doubt the stubble is “manly” so much as “a bit patchy and more than a bit embarrassing.”
He had a sexy English accent.
Most Hogwarts students are English, so that’s not a surprise, but also he hasn’t said anything yet so I’m not sure how she knows that.
He looked exactly like Joel Madden.
Could have said that at the beginning of the description and saved us all some time.
He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I’m a girl so I didn’t get one you sicko.
It’s okay, Ebony, girls can get boners too.
“I’m so sorry.” he said in a shy voice.
“That’s all right. What’s your name?” I questioned.
“My name’s Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days.” he grumbled.
“Why?” I exclaimed.
“Because I love the taste of human blood.” he giggled.
“Well, I am a vampire.” I confessed.
“Really?” he whimpered.
“Yeah.” I roared.
As much as I wanted to pick this apart line-by-line, I left it the way it is so you can see the author’s distaste for the word “said” in action. This is a prime example of why any writing advice that tells you to always use more descriptive words in place of “said” is wrong. The range of emotions on display here… well, “all over the place” is putting it mildly.
Regarding what was actually said — Ebony has been going to school with Harry for seven years but somehow doesn’t know who he is despite his infamy, and Harry goes by Vampire as a nickname because he likes the taste of human blood. It’s better to just accept all of this than to question it, really.
We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.
Is the surprise his dick? Because that’s not surprising.