No content warning this time, since Tara actually issues her own at the beginning of the chapter.
Recap: After learning via a vision that Draco has been captured by Voldemort, Vampire and Ebony tried to get Dumbledore to help, but he told them he didn’t care, so they took matters into their own hands. They teleported to Voldemort’s lair (yeah, apparently he has a lair) via some sort of spell, arriving just in time to hear Voldemort apparently casting the Killing Curse.
AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen.
Seriously doubt Raven had a hand in this chapter. I’m not sure if Tara realizes Raven is mad at her about the poster yet.
im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.
If this is true — and I’m gonna give Tara the benefit of the doubt and assume it is, since these author’s notes are all we know about her, after all — this could be an explanation for why Tara doesn’t yet know Raven is pissed.
PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!
Well, good luck.
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WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.
I personally don’t advise that at all. Unless you really have to go, in which case… now’s the time, this is an xtremly scray chapter and you won’t want to get up in the middle of it.
We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there.
We’re off to a great start.
Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him.
This guy’s name is actually Peter Pettigrew, aka Wormtail. For the benefit of anyone reading who lacks Harry Potter knowledge, I’ll give you the rundown: Wormtail was a friend of Harry’s dad in school, and he, along with Harry’s dad and Harry’s godfather Sirius, learned to become an Animagus (a wizard who can transform into a specific animal at will) in order to keep Lupin company when he turned into a werewolf at the full moon. He can turn into a rat, hence the nickname. Ron actually kept him as a pet for years unaware that his “pet” was actually an Animagus. Wormtail became one of Voldemort’s followers, betraying Harry’s parents in the process, which ultimately led to their deaths at Voldemort’s hands. He also, as Tara recalls, killed Cedric when Harry was in his fourth year. And now you’re caught up.
Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.
“Rid my sight you despicable preps!” he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes.
Ignoring the weird love-at-first-sight thing here for a second (honestly, at this point it’s become so common I don’t know what to say anyway), “Snaketail” calling them preps is pretty strange considering we’ve already established Voldemort isn’t “goffik” and that means his followers probably aren’t either. Given that “preps” seems to be Tara’s go-to insult, maybe she typed this without considering the context.
“EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)
Making Wormtail — sorry, Snaketail — sixteen all so it’s less inappropriate for him to hit on Ebony is all kinds of bonkers, but I’d like to point out that this means he killed Cedric as a thirteen-year-old, which is incredibly impressive considering that the Unforgivable Curses are extremely difficult and require active intent to inflict serious harm (something a thirteen-year-old probably wouldn’t be capable of pulling off).
“Huh?” I asked.
Girl, me too.
”Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart.
I mean, she’s not wrong, but what did she stab him with? As far as I know, her only weapon is a gun. And her wand, I guess, but we seem to have forgotten all about magic at this point.
Blood pored out of it like a fountain.
“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died.
Hell of a way to go. Gotta give him credit for being able to scream and run around after being stabbed in the heart, too.
I brust into tears sadly.
Why?
“Snaketail what art thou doing?” called Voldemort. Then…… he started coming!
You really have to fucking stop phrasing things that way. Please. For my sake.
We could hear his high heels clacking to us.
He’s wearing heels? Dude. That’s fabulous.
So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts.
Since when did they have their broomsticks?
We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.
“What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw.
Is now really the time? You just got kidnapped and tortured, and your girlfriend is sobbing. I would think that this is a less than sexy situation.
He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything.
We know. Also, nice joke, Tara.
“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.”
Way to go throwing Willow under the bus.
Maybe this explains why Ebony hasn’t shown interest in any girls despite being bi, though.
Also, new gender binary: Girls and Preps
“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Draco.
You know, I don’t condone use of the word “slut” in a derogatory fashion in general, but it’s always extra-weird coming from someone who clearly gets around. Also Draco is currently naked and trying to get Ebony to have sex with him, so maybe not the best time to make that comment.
“Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked.
That’s not being in love with you. We don’t know if Ebony was targeted for a particular reason or if what Snape and Lupin did was totally opportunistic, but without further context the latter makes more sense. Plus the implication was that they were planning on profiting off the video.
Hargrid says he’s in love with me.
He said that all of once, and it was weird, came out of nowhere, and he didn’t try flirting subsequently (unless the roses that turned into a black gothic flame that was black was an attempt at flirting, but that scene was so bizarre I have no idea what to make of it). So, uh… maybe he was just saying that.
Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me!
You also like Vampire, remember? Remember how you two jumped on each other a couple chapters ago? Also Snaketail is dead, so that seems irrelevant.
I just wanna be with you ok Draco!
I’m doubting that, honestly.
Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily.
In real life, I do have sympathy for pretty women who are fed up with unwanted male attention — that shit’s annoying and potentially dangerous, given how many dudes have no problem being sexually inappropriate around women they think are attractive (and the tendency of dudes in general to get aggressive when turned down). In fiction… eh, it depends, and this example definitely isn’t getting my sympathy since we all know Ebony is Tara’s author insert and she basically just wrote this to tell everyone how gorgeous she is. Also it amounts to absolutely nothing; Ebony gets the boy she likes (hell, she gets multiple boys she likes), being pretty usually makes her life easier rather than harder, and nothing ever comes of the unwanted attention (the plotline with Snape and Lupin’s video goes nowhere, Hagrid’s confession goes nowhere, and Snaketail was killed immediately after asking Ebony to fuck him).
(an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty)
So? There’s no reason for this scene to exist other than for Tara to make herself — sorry, Ebony — look good, and to try and combat the notion that Ebony is a Mary Sue. Pro tip, this is precisely the wrong way to deal with that criticism.
“Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.
Ahhh, this trope. Weird example of it since Ebony doesn’t really seem to be good at anything other than putting together mall goth outfits, though.
That was an extremely scary chapter, wasn’t it?