Next chapter is a pretty momentous one for this fanfic, but on the off chance you’ve never read this story before I don’t want to spoil it.
Recap: Ebony got a new goffik outfit to wear to the concert, courtesy of Tom Rid. We learned that Trevolry has been sent to Azkaban for being “too gottik” but that Dumbledore is back. Ebony returned to the past, picking up some amnesia potion along the way to drug Satan with (the idea is that this will make him love her; I don’t know why), and began preparing for the show that night.
AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation?
I think that’s just called a hiatus, Tara. But sure, seems reasonable. I definitely can’t fault you for it; we won’t be throwing stones in this glass house.
oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111
Not gonna lie, I still really wanna take that damn quiz. I’m a bit sad no one seems to have archived it.
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Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco’s car.
But it’s not the same car, I take it, because I don’t remember Draco’s having pentagrams all over it. Also no mention of whether or not this one can fly.
I went in it seduktivly.
I’m not sure how you seductively enter a car, but at this point it’s possible everything Ebony does is somehow intended as seductive. At least she actually is trying to seduce Satan, though, which makes this make marginally more sense than stuff like her seductively jumping into the Pensieve.
Stan started 2 drive it.
Yeah, I’ve heard this Eminem song before and it doesn’t end well.
We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), kuttting, musik and being goffik.
Covering all the bases, I see.
“Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11” Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)
I think I’m done commenting on Tara’s weird fixation on bi men, but I will say that I don’t know that making Voldemort bisexual wins you any positive representation points. Like… I don’t claim him. Personally.
“Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena.” I said in a flirty voice.
So, again, the timeline makes no sense here — MCR’s first album came out in ’02, “Helena” came out in ’04 — but I take it Tara’s decided she no longer gives a shit about this sort of thing.
It’s funny, because there’s plenty of ‘80s goth music she could be referencing here instead. Like, has Tara ever listened to Sisters of Mercy? Bauhaus? She’s got options.
“……….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?”
“Well………………” he thought. “I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod.”
At least that should be a straightforward solution to Trevolry’s plight, then. Ebony can just give her some blood. I don’t think that actually ends up happening in this story, but hey, it’s a nice thought at least.
Also. As I’ve talked about before, when Tara says “Voldemortserum” she actually seems to be referring to the truth potion Veritaserum. It doesn’t have anything to do with Voldemort, canonically. Earlier I’d wondered if she maybe got things mixed up and thought it was something Voldemort had created himself, hence why Ebony would have to ask Satan for the cure, but there’s no indication here that that’s the case. Furthermore, since the potion was apparently called “Voldemortserum” in this timeline before Voldemort even took on that moniker, is the implication that he named himself after a potion?
Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came lol.
Okay, let’s break this down. The Exorcist came out in 1973, so it’s at least plausible that a theater in the eighties might be showing it. However, while I haven’t seen the film myself, I’m aware of the basic plot and am reasonably confident that this scene does not happen in it — it’s not a serial killer movie. The Exorcist did receive several sequels, one of which (The Exorcist III) has a plot involving a serial killer, but from looking at the Wikipedia plot synopsis I still doubt that this happened in the film (what she’s describing sounds like a generic slasher movie scene, and this is a supernatural horror series — the serial killer in question is dead and possessing people), and also the film came out in 1990. So I’m leaning towards thinking that Tara hasn’t seen The Exorcist either, and/or she got it confused with a different film.
Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we’re sadists.
I don’t think laughing at a dumb scene in a horror film qualifies as sadism, but hey, we know these two are teenage edgelords, I’ll let them have this one.
While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan’s gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it.
The Nightmare Before Christmas came out in 1993, if anyone cares.
Delighted by the idea of a Nightmare Before Christmas cigar, though. Does it, like, have Jack Skellington’s face on it or something? Where can I buy one?
I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag.
This is also anachronistic — while technically the character was first designed in the ‘90s, this brand didn’t take off until the ‘00s, when Emily the Strange comic books and merch were first released. Either way, definitely not the eighties. But, again, Tara doesn’t care. Neither do I, particularly.
Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.
Initially I thought this was just a property of the Nightmare Before Christmas cigar itself, but then I remembered Tara described the amnesia potion as being black with red pentagrams earlier. Love the consistency in detail but this also isn’t remotely subtle, so hopefully Satan doesn’t know what amnesia potion looks like.
“OMG!111” Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd.
Well, like I said… not exactly subtle.
“Enoby gess what?”
I new that the amnesia had worked.
Why?
“Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work.” He said.
…well, alright. Obviously this is total nonsense and in any other story I think a line like this would break my brain, but since this is “My Immortal” I don’t really know what else I could have expected. It doesn’t work because it hasn’t been invented yet, and also Satan knows about it anyway. Sure.
Wait, never mind, hold the fucking phone. I’d forgotten about this detail, but Ebony didn’t bring the amnesia potion back in time with her. She got it off Slughorn’s desk. It’s absolutely been invented already. What the fuck is Satan talking about here?
“2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u.”
I still don’t know why they’re trying to give each other amnesia, but I guess I’ll roll with this too.
“Kul.” I raised my eye suggestingly. And den………. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11
Does Gerard Way have a six-pack? He doesn’t look like he has a six-pack. Hang on. I need to Google a few things.
Update post-Googling: I couldn’t find any pictures of him shirtless. Hell, I don’t even think I saw any pics of him in short sleeves. I was frankly afraid of the results I’d get if I Googled “Gerard Way shirtless” (I was expecting bad Photoshops and embarrassing deviantArt posts), so it remains a bit of a mystery, but after scrolling through many, many images of Gerard Way I think my initial reaction of “it would surprise me to learn Gerard Way has a six-pack” was justified.
We frenched.
“Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111” shooted da lady behind us she was a prep.
“Fuk u!11” I said. Suddenly…………………. I attaked her suking all her blood.
I wish I could do this to annoying customers at my job.
“Noooooo!11” she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether.
No comment on “everyone else crapped,” but why did so many of Da Prepz™ show up to a screening of The Exorcist? If I entertain Tara’s view of the world and assume that this preps vs. goths conflict is Serious Business, that everyone can be categorized as one or the other (new gender binary dropped!) and that these groups shun each other on principle, this doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Then again, I am reading complete nonsense here.
Satan and I started to walk outside.
“Zomg how did u do that?” Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.
“I’m a vampire.” I said as we went into the car.
“Siriusly?” he gasped.
So, given that “Satan” in this story is goffik, I figure he thinks this is really cool and a non-issue, but I do want to point out that in Harry Potter canon Voldemort and his followers are prejudiced against non-human magical races. This is all pretty confusing in canon, part of a clumsy racism metaphor that doesn’t particularly go anywhere and occasionally gets really awful (see also: house elf slavery being something most wizards accept as Just Fine because “house elves enjoy being slaves”), and Voldemort seems overall less invested in this issue than his followers are, but canonically he or at least the people he associates with would look down upon magical nonhumans such as vampires. Figured that was worth mentioning here.
“Yah siriusly.” I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.
“Itz too bad we didn’t get 2 c da rest of the movie, don’t u fink?”
Hey, you know what’s pretty normal for two people on a movie date? Not actually watching the goddamn movie. Also I don’t think the film was actually The Exorcist anyway.
“Yah.” I said as we kised passively.
I know Tara means “passionately,” but she keeps doing this and I’m starting to really enjoy it. Given every main character is some variety of apathetic goth, it kinda fits. Like, they’ll make out, but they’re not getting that into it.
Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.
“Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111” screamed Marlin on da stage.
Weren’t you guys supposed to open for Marilyn Manson? I think you got there too late.
We did the devil fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1
From… eye contact? Damn, okay.
Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.
“I wood like to peasant……………..XBlakXTearX!11” he said.
I don’t know if Tara realizes opening acts are supposed to perform before the headliner (if not, that’s very funny — has she never been to a concert?) or if the implication is that they did indeed show up too late and Marilyn Manson was forced to start performing early in their stead but graciously let them do their act midway through his show. Either way I like it.
I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there.
No Spartacus?
They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag.
“Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111” I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy.
They have very different vocal styles, so I’ve got no idea what that would sound like. But sure, whatever.
Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation.
Onstage? In front of everybody? I’m not even judging this, but that’s embarrassing.
“I’M NUT OKAY!1” I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.
This next bit is a little confusing, because it seems as though they’ve concluded the song (the final “I’m not okay” in “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)” ends right as the song cuts out) but then everyone gets pissed at “Lucian” for screwing up the end of the song, which I thought was over by that point. But whatever, it’s live and they’re doing a cover, maybe they added an extended outro.
“OMFG!1” yielded James. “Wut the fuck?”
“Woops im sory!” said Lucian.
“You fuking ashhole!1” James shouted angrily.
“U guys are such prepz!11” Snap said. “Cum on it wuz a mistake!1”
“Yah itz not his fault!11” said Serious.
“No he ruined the fucking song!1” yelled Samaro.
“U guys stop!11” I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.
“OMFG no!11” shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.
Wait, oh my god. We’re getting an actual explanation for the arm thing? Earlier when it came up I thought she’d gotten Lucius mixed up with another character, even though no one in Harry Potter loses an arm, but now it’s looking like this was actually planned backstory for the character. Which, for this story, is sort of mindblowing.
Also, James must be packing some serious heat. I don’t really know anything about guns but I know you don’t shoot someone’s arm off with a .45. Makes you think that if, perhaps, some years down the line an evil wizard broke into his house with the intent of murdering his infant child, he’d be able to stop them.
And den……………………………I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11
“No!111” yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.
She’s fine, don’t worry. Next chapter is about to take us all for a wild ride, though; I hope you’re all ready for it.