The penultimate chapter!
Warnings this time include sex, violence, and a few references to what went down in the previous installments.
Recap: Tiaa learned that her father is a vampire, and that she would become one herself if she had sex with Edward. Guess what she did. (Also, she killed Uncle Larry and drank his blood.)
thanx for the revews!
You’re so welcome!
Chapter 7 - Surprises!
I woke up sheepishly and wandered where I was for a minute.
Vampires don’t sleep, and no one “wakes up sheepishly.”
I got out of bed, wandering if all the things that had hapened to me last night were just a dream. I went downstairs for breakfast and sat down with Dave and Marie.
Vampires don’t eat breakfast, either. Unless she plans on eating Dave and Marie. I wouldn’t object.
THey look at me and smiles adoringly.
You do have a beta reader, right?
“wow tiaa i love your new hair and contat lenses, your look so beautiful!” said marie with her face all bright and happiness.
Marie freaks me the hell out. Why is she so perky?
I got up and look in a mirror. Holly shite! I looked totally diffrent! For the first time I could see my face was truely beautiful, it was even prettier than before.
If you can possibly imagine that, because Tiaa’s descriptions of herself in previous chapters weren’t exactly modest.
My eyes were a weird silver color like wet pools of noble moonlight in distant medows,and my ivory gold hair seemed to shimmer like the suns burned rays in the morning, with the purple streaks shining like neon lilac.
So in the Twilight universe, vampire eye color depends on how recently they last fed and what they last fed on. A vampire with human blood in their system will have red eyes; a hungry vampire has black eyes; vampires who eat nonhuman animals (like Edward and his family) have gold eyes after feeding. Tiaa ate Uncle Larry last night, and she’s newly turned, so she definitely has human blood in her body. Her eyes should be red.
I guess her hair’s the same except for the dye job, though, because she used to have multiple colors streaked into her hair and now she just has purple. Not sure how being a vampire would affect that, honestly.
I was radiant and magical and looked awesome.
I love this sentence.
My skin was even more pale than before and my features more delicate and queen-like, my nose was small and dashing and my cheeks were high and pale and my chin was soft but majestic. I was amazed.
I’m just hoping that she still smells like mint and cinnamon.
Suddenly the phone rang and nuked me out of my silent staring.
Must be one of those newfangled atomic phones.
Dave answered it.
“what? oh my god! Your kidding! This is inconsideratable!” and he hung up
Nice vocabulary, Dave. Nice job hanging up on the caller, too.
“whats happened honey?” Marie asked smiling
Why is she always smiling? Is her face stuck like that?
“uncle larry is died, it looks like he was ripped apart by a wild beast! I feel so sad!
Yeah, you seem real…
(wait for it…)
…torn up about it.
he was my brother”
Not sure why he needed to remind everyone. Can’t imagine Uncle Larry was a pleasant brother, though, since his entire character consisted of being ugly and evil.
I suddenly remembered what I had done, and i screamed and ran to school.
That’s not suspicious or anything! Actually, wait, it’s Dave and Marie; they won’t suspect a thing.
Also, I pictured her doing this like Gir from Invader Zim.
I felt so awful and giulty for what I had done! I new uncle larry was a perv and a rasist and even thou he had raped me and tied me up and spanked me and made my life hell I still shoudnt have killed him!
No, you totally should have killed him.
I was going to explode with guilt. i ran through the forest towards the school but suddenly a large thing appeared in front of me.
Wow! Love the description!
it was a bear - a big panda bear!
…this is happening in a small town in Washington State, correct?
it was huge and fluffy and realy cute, but I was scared as this was a totally weird thing to happen.
She’s not wrong.
But, then again, in the context of this story I guess it’s not too implausible.
“greetings atlantaina!” it said - i was totally freaked out - since when did panda bears live in Forks? And since when did they SPEAK? I was totally confused
You and me both, girl.
“WTF?” i screamed!
“I’m a panda bear, my name is Snooflanti-tatuna but you can call me Snoofles.”
Well, thank god, because I have no idea how to pronounce that first thing you said.
"A talking PANDA BEAR?” i shouted furiously
Why is she angry?
“I cannot talk like humans can, but your not human anymore so you can understand me. You can talk to animals. You probably have other powers too you just don’t know it yet”
Oh, I get it. So I think I mentioned this earlier, but in the Twilight universe some vampires gain a special ability after being turned — typically an amplification of some ability they possessed as a human. That’s how come Edward can read minds, his sister Alice has visions of the future, his brother Jasper can influence the moods of others, and so on. Tiaa’s ability to communicate with animals comes out of nowhere only in the sense that it wasn’t foreshadowed; the power fits with canon otherwise.
I’m pretty sure one vampire having multiple extra abilities is unheard of, though. There goes Tiaa breaking the rules again. (Though at this point… after all she’s been through… I guess she deserves something good for a change, no?)
“like watt?” i said
“I dunno, touch that tree” said Snoofles, smiling at me.
Hey, hold up. How does the panda know all this shit? Like… how does he know who Tiaa is? How does he know about how vampires work? Even allowing that Tiaa can communicate with animals now, how come this one is demonstrating human-like sapience?
You know what, none of this will ever get explained and I’m done thinking about it. Let’s move on.
I touched the tree and consentrated hard and even though it was winter the tree suddenly started to bloom huge bunches of flowers. The flowers cascadad down like a river onto the bare forest floor. i took my hand away in horror. The flowers were so beautiful they made me think of edward. then i remembered how he had left me after we had made love, and i became angry. I touched another tree and it burst into flames. It was as if the trees turned into things that somehow reflected how I was feeling!
This power actually makes sense for volatile, moody Tiaa, but it’s not gonna be very useful until she learns to control it. Which might never happen because this girl is an emotional loose cannon. Also we’re on the second-to-last chapter.
“OMG, how is this possible?” i said
“Don’t ask me I’m just a panda, lol” said Snoofles with a big grin and he raised his eyebows,“but I’m so happy to find a person who can understand my speaking! i al; ways wanted a human friend! will you be my human friend?”
Nice going, author. I like how you had Snoofles know things he shouldn’t and then had him not know how he knows those things he shouldn’t. Great writing! Allows you to avoid explaining anything at all!
“well yah ok” i said, “but i have to go to school now so I’ll see you later Snoofles ok?”
“that’s cool” said Snoofles “i’ll see you later”
I ran away and was totaly weirded out by my meeting with Snoofles.
I, too, was totally weirded out by your meeting with Snoofles.
I was almost in a trance at school and even though people starred at me and made coments about my new apperance I had never cared less.
Maybe because they did this every day anyway?
in gym class I ran around dressed in my gym clothes.
That is what one typically does in gym class, yes.
i was playing dodgball and the cleerleaders kept throwing there balls at me realy hard like biaches but i was dodging them at the speed of light.
Being subtle, I see! Good going convincing everyone you’re still human!
Lauren came over to me and tries to hit me over the face with her balls and I slapped her in the face.
Did Lauren just try and teabag Tiaa?
“WTF you freaky goth tudor bitch!” she shouted with her ugly face flapping like a big bag
I swear this fic has the best similes I have ever seen.
“leave me alone yeah?” i said looking more beautiful than ever
And this is relevant why?
“no - ill never leave u alone becase your so werid! what has hapened to your face its like your from another planet, your so pale and delicate its freaking everyone out and we all hate you!”
Well put, Lauren.
I was so mad i pushed her but when my hands touched her arms her skin started to blister and froth in a totally gross way and she got struck by a bolt of lightning. She wasnt dead or anything but she looked totally disgusting and she got taken to the hospital.
Nasty! Can’t say I feel bad for Lauren, though.
I didnt look for my friends and after gym class I sat in the changing rooms after everyone has left and cried becase I felt so sorry for watt I had done to uncle larry and to lauren.
Oh, come on. Lauren is just a bully, admittedly, but Uncle Larry was a rapist — a particularly violent one committing repeated rape against a teenager, no less. Killing him was just taking out the trash. And Lauren should be okay-ish after a few skin grafts.
I was sat there wearing a very short leather mini-dress and red ripped tights and a skull necklace and a gothic top hat with feathers on it.
She headed to an Emilie Autumn concert after school or what?
Suddenly I heard a voices from behind me
A voices. One voice, but it’s plural. Got it.
(I wanna make a System Shock joke here but I can’t think of a good one.)
“Tiaa? Tiaa? It is I Edward Cullen!” said edward.
No one on this planet talks like that. I don’t care what time period you’re from.
i turned to kook at him and he gasped in a high piched way and fell over onto the floor. I was mad at him and totaly upset about other stuff so i didnt check to see if he was ok. He got up in a minute.
…alright, I’m not sure how to react to that.
“I fainted Tiaa, thou is so sexy and exqisite i lost my contentioness.
I’m pretty sure vampires can’t faint. Did he pretend to faint? Because, if so, that’s really funny.
Thy face is even more sacred and filled with shinning glory than before, I am amazed” but then he noticed I was crying tears of soft blood and he said “what is wrong with thee?” said Edward
“Im trunign into a My Immortal characted!11!11!!1” I yielded depressingly as blod streemed down my iviory fetnures. “Ewdard fangz 4 all da help but not even u can salve me now. I”m gong to go slit my rists with a steak so i can end my live of mizery!112!!!!11111”
“OMS no Tiaa dont go!” Edwerd shooted sadly but it waz 2 latte. I cut miself with da knife and da word went blak.
“I killed someone Ewadrd! I killed my uncle and drank his blood and I think I made lauren get stuck by lightning”
Okay, but like… Edward knows your “uncle” had been raping and beating you repeatedly. The Lauren thing might be considered bad, since her main crime was just being an asshole, but Tiaa didn’t mean to hurt her like that, so it’s not really her fault.
“its ok Tiaa he was evil and noone cares about lauren” Edward says to comfort me and he put his arms round me
Dude has a point.
“still watt i did was awfull and anyways GET OFF ME!” i stood up and shock him off me “dont come near me ever again! I havent forgiven you for whatt happened last night! We did sex and you left me there in the forest!”
“I’m sorry! I cannot stay away from thee and yet I cannot be with thee either” he cried and threw his hands up and weeped
Hey, wanna play a drinking game? Take a shot every time Edward starts crying. Finish your drink every time Edward goes immediately from putting the moves on Tiaa to saying he can’t be with her or vice versa. I guarantee you will get very, very drunk.
“make your mind up Ewdard! this is a serious thing! Ether stay here with me now and screw me and be with me forrever or leave and go be with Bella! Make youre choice right now!”
That’s a reasonable ultimatum except for the part where she propositioned him for sex while they’re in a public area of their high school.
“I choose thee Atlantnina! Bella is a big mean cow and I cant be with her anymore!
Get wrecked, Bella.
I will never leave thou side again my lovley damsell!”
See? Was that so hard?
He started to cry and I kissed him. He was so amazing. His yellow eyes and tussled aubon hair and pale skin made me want to screw him all the time, I’d never seen anybody look so perfect.
Get a grip, kids, you’re at school.
I took off my dress so I was only wearing my underwear and i sat on his knee and we kissed a lot.
What part of “get a grip” was so hard for you to understand?
He touched me all over and I felt dizzy and week.
This is shaping up to be a very vague sex scene, huh?
“Do you mean it edward? You’ll be mine forrever?”
“I does, i shall be thy mate” he said beautifully in his smooth hot velvet voice
I didn’t get any girls in high school, but I guess it was probably because I didn’t speak in butchered old-timey English, huh? Nothing gets teenage girls going like a little bizarre grammar!
I found some handcuffs on a bench and I tied him to a hook.
I could get analytical about what it means for Tiaa, who was chained to a bed and nearly raped the day before, to develop an interest in restraining her sexual partners… but I’m far more confused by why the hell there are handcuffs laying around in a high school.
he was unable to move and i took his pants down and looked at his throbbing lavender man-fruit thing.
Why is it lavender? Is he okay?
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I put it in my mouth and sucked it and he thrusted madly untill he had an orgasm in my mouth.
I’m far from being a seasoned erotica writer, but if you go from the beginning of the sex act to the climax in a single sentence it really makes it sound like your character came about 10 seconds in. Which, even for a 17-year-old boy, is pretty embarrassing.
The hot juice flowered in my mouth and it was magical.
I really don’t think it was, actually.
Sodenly a voice came from behind me
“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING YOU EVIL RODENT PEOPLE?
It was……………………………. DUMBLEDORE!!11!!!
I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU BOTH AND NOW I AM GOING TO KILL MYSELF!”
It was Bella Swan!
Okay, that had to have been a homage to “My Immortal.” And god bless!