More of the creepy rich man story! Though this chapter isn’t actually too bad on the creepy front, apart from some really heavy-handed foreshadowing regarding Christian’s taste for BDSM.
Recap: Last time, we got a lot of exposition dumping and also Christian showed up at the hardware store where Ana works. Sexual tension ensued, of course. Ana got Grey’s cell number so that she can arrange a photo shoot (Kate wants original stills for her article).
Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter Three
Ana calls Kate and tells her that she bumped into Christian at Clayton’s. Kate, who is very excited by the news for reasons I’m unsure of, says that that seems like a huge coincidence and speculates that Christian was there to see Ana. If one of the author’s characters is calling attention to the weirdness of Christian’s presence, either it’s lampshading or he really was there to see Ana. I hope it’s the former.
When Ana tells Kate she’s got his cell number so they can call him up and organize a photo shoot, Kate gasps and says that Christian definitely likes Ana. Well, yes, he does, but giving Ana his cell number for business reasons is not indicative of that. Ana stops paying attention because she’s gleefully thinking something along the lines of “omg he likes me,” and I’m honestly relieved that for once she’s not denying the obvious.
Kate wonders aloud who they’ll get to do the photo shoot, since the regular photographer is out of town for the weekend. Ana suggests José. We all saw it coming, but still: raise your hand if you’re less than thrilled at the prospect of another manly-man, I-like-Ana-more-than-you glaring contest!
Ana wants Kate to be the one to call Christian about the shoot, but Kate shoots (geddit) that idea down because Ana’s the one who knows the guy. Yeah, but Kate’s the one who wants the photos, so at the very least she should tell Ana what to arrange for the shoot, right?
As Ana’s leaving a message for José, Paul enters and asks Ana how she knows Christian. She explains about the interview. Paul asks her if she wants to “grab a drink or something this evening.” Ana explains that:
Whenever he’s home he asks me on a date, and I always say no. It’s a ritual. I’ve never considered it a good idea to date the boss’s brother, and besides, Paul is cute in a wholesome all-American boy-next-door kind of way, but he’s no literary hero, not by any stretch of the imagination.
What the hell is Ana’s preoccupation with being able to date a literary hero? Why does the author think she can convince us that Grey qualifies as one when he isn’t heroic and doesn’t appear in any literature?
Ana first tries to sidestep the date question, then tells Paul maybe some other time, as she’s got studying to do. I’m honestly not sure whose side to be on; I mean, I wanna side with Ana, but I also want to give Paul the benefit of the doubt and if Ana always says “maybe another time” then there’s an implied invitation for him to keep asking. But, hell, how long has this been going on? Can Paul not take a hint or does Ana just not have the guts to reject him outright? I can’t tell which, because this book is shit.
…eh, wait, never mind, right after this he says to her, “Ana, one of these days, you’ll say yes.” I’m on Ana’s side. That’s straight-up disrespectful. Fuck off, Paul.
We cut to Ana at home. José calls her back, telling her that he photographs places, not people. This seems like a legit concern to me, but no one else takes it seriously, because even though these people are supposed to be “friends” they don’t actually give a shit about each other, I guess. Kate grabs the phone and tells José that if he wants the student newspaper to cover the opening of his show, he’ll do the shoot. That’s great except by the time José’s show opens Kate will have graduated so she won’t be in control of the paper anymore. José caves and agrees to do the shoot the following day. Kate hands the phone back to Ana and tells her to call Christian and figure out the time and place.
When Christian picks up, he sounds cold until he realizes it’s Ana, at which point he changes to sounding seductive. Ana, realizing she’s blushing, hastily leaves the room so Kate won’t see. (Of course, Kate notices anyway and teases her over it later.) To cut to the chase and skip the UST, Christian says they can have the shoot at nine-thirty the next morning at the hotel he’s staying in. Ana relays this to Kate, who gives the hotel’s manager a call to set up the shoot.
Ana dreams of Christian again that night:
Dreaming of smoky gray eyes, coveralls, long legs, long fingers, and dark, dark unexplored places.
“Writing is better if you use a bunch of superfluous adjectives but keep everything so vague that no one knows what you’re talking about anyway.” -this author, probably
The next morning Kate, Ana, José, and José’s friend Travis (described as José’s “gopher” — uh, I think you mean “gofer”) head over to the hotel, taking two cars because they can’t fit themselves plus all the equipment in one. Kate’s phone call the night before landed her a room to use free of charge for the shoot provided the hotel gets a credit in the article. This room is upgraded to a suite when she mentions that the photographs will be of Christian Grey. (It’s just a regular-sized suite, though, because Christian is already in the largest suite in the building.)
Kate gets the place set up — that is, she bosses everyone else around until they get the place set up — and half an hour later Christian Grey shows up. He is dressed in a white shirt and gray flannel pants, and Ana’s mouth goes dry looking at him. Ana, you might want to have that checked out.
They take about five minutes’ worth of pictures. To the author’s credit, there is no José-vs.-Christian staredown as I was expecting. At the end of the shoot, Christian shakes hands with Ana and José, then asks Ana to walk with him. She obliges, and Christian asks her if she’d like to go out with him for coffee. Ana has an internal freak-out and says she has to drive everybody home (which is true). Christian calls to his driver, a buzz-cut man in his thirties named Taylor (I don’t know if that’s his first or last name), and tells him to drive Ana’s friends and the equipment home. He then asks Ana again if she can join him for coffee. I get that this is supposed to be cute or something, but really it’s just control-freaky and I would be much more comfortable with it if he’d just offered to have Taylor drive the people and stuff home instead.
Ana says Taylor doesn’t have to drive them home, she’ll just switch cars with Kate (all the people and equipment, other than Kate, were in Ana’s car). Christian gives her a big grin, and Ana heads back into the room to tell Kate. Kate launches right into her “Ana, he likes you” spiel before Ana can even get a word out, then delivers the story’s best line so far: “But I don’t trust him.”
Ana interrupts Kate and explains about swapping cars so she can go on a coffee date. This renders Kate speechless temporarily, but then she goes right back to being the best character in this shitheap of a story:
“Ana, there’s something about him.” Her tone is full of warning. “He’s gorgeous, I agree, but I think he’s dangerous. Especially to someone like you.”
By “someone like you,” she means someone as sexually inexperienced/oblivious as Ana. And she’s damn right, too. Of course, Ana doesn’t listen and insists it’s just coffee and that she won’t be long. Kate grudgingly hands over the keys and tells Ana that if she’s late, she’ll send out search-and-rescue.
They head out for coffee. Christian asks Ana how long she’s known Kate (since freshman year) as they wait for the elevator, and when the elevator arrives a young couple are inside making out. (Foreshadowing!) The couple quickly separates as Ana and Christian enter. Christian holds hands with Ana while in the elevator, which to Ana is extremely exciting.
Ana and Christian walk the four blocks to the Portland Coffee House, still holding hands. When they get inside, Christian offers to order the drinks while Ana finds them a table. Ana orders English Breakfast tea (oh you British author you) because she doesn’t like coffee. Christian returns with the stuff (Ana’s tea, his coffee, plus a blueberry muffin for himself). Ana puts the teabag in the pot and fishes it out again seconds later. What? I don’t know how long you’re supposed to brew English Breakfast tea (I’m an Earl Grey fan myself) but I’m betting it’s longer than five seconds. Otherwise, you’re just drinking hot water, and that’s disgusting. Christian gives her a quizzical look, and she explains:
“I like my tea black and weak,” I mutter as an explanation.
First of all, this is begging for a follow-up comment of “just like my men.” Second of all, that’s not weak tea, that’s strong water. You’re supposed to brew black tea for three minutes. Gosh.
Christian asks, out of the blue, if José is Ana’s boyfriend. If that were true, wouldn’t that make this date + all the handholding and flirting and UST a little weird? Ana explains that no, he’s just a very close friend of hers. Christian is satisfied with this answer and starts in on his muffin before asking if Paul is Ana’s boyfriend. (Sheesh, Christian, a little jealous, aren’t we?) Ana explains again that he’s just a friend and asks Christian why he’s curious. He replies that she seems nervous around men. She confesses that she finds him intimidating.
I’d generally expect Christian to reassure her at this point, to tell her she doesn’t need to be nervous, but instead he tells her verbatim that she should find him intimidating. As always with this story, this is more than just a nod to his wealth and power. Given that these two are not in a sexual relationship and are in fact just getting to know each other, Christian’s constant nods to his sexually controlling nature definitely constitute red flags — he hasn’t determined whether or not Ana is even into dominant men, but he acts like this anyway.
In what is almost certainly a nod to Edward’s inability to read Bella’s mind in Twilight, Christian tells Ana that he finds her “mysterious,” and “very self-contained.” Ana is surprised by this and asks him if he always makes such personal observations. He asks if he’s offended her, she says he hasn’t (which is true) but that he’s very high-handed. His response:
“I’m used to getting my own way, Anastasia,” he murmurs. “In all things.”
It’s as if the author is worried we’ll forget the basic premise of the book if she doesn’t keep reminding us that Christian is a Dominant.
They chat a bit more, and to Ana’s credit she doesn’t act like a complete doormat. Nearly a page and a half passes with no blushing on Ana’s part, which must be some sort of record, and she actually manages to talk to Christian without mumbling or looking down at the floor. For whatever reason — probably just an excuse for more exposition — they begin talking about their families. (Or, rather, take turns interrogating each other about their families.) Ana reveals that her dad died when she was a baby (she doesn’t say how), and that she lived with her stepdad for a time when she was in her mid-teens after her mom married Husband #3. Christian tells Ana that his father is a lawyer and his mother a pediatrician. One of his siblings, his brother Elliot, is a construction worker, and the other, his little sister (no name given), is in Paris studying to be a chef. Since he’s adopted, I don’t know if his siblings are biological relatives. Ana gets the sense while Christian’s talking that he doesn’t like talking about his family. The subject changes to travel. Ana’s never left the States, and says she’d like to go to England to see where all her favorite dead British authors lived.
Suddenly, Ana remembers she’s got to go home and study for her exams. She tells Christian, who offers to walk back to the hotel with her. They’re quiet most of the way there (Christian at one point asks Ana if she always wears jeans, to which she replies “Mostly”), until Ana suddenly blurts out, “Do you have a girlfriend?” He smiles at her and says he doesn’t do the girlfriend thing. She tries to figure out what that means, but Ana apparently can’t think and walk at the same time, as she immediately trips crossing the street. Grey pulls her up and against him, she looks up expecting to be kissed, chapter ends.
Holy Cow! Alert: None this chapter, but there’s “Holy crap!” (3x), “Holy hell” (once), and “Holy shit” (once).
And Now, A Word From Ana’s Subconscious Alert:
[Ana thinks Paul is cute, but not a literary hero] Is Grey? My subconscious asks me, her eyebrow figuratively raised. I slap her down.
[Ana wonders why Christian is asking her out for coffee] Maybe he thinks you haven’t woken up yet, my subconscious whines at me in a sneering mood again.
[Ana resists the urge to grin when Christian holds her hand] Try to be cool, Ana, my subconscious implores me.
[Ana thinks that maybe Kate is more Christian’s type] And she’s beautiful, my subconscious reminds me.
Britishing Alert: E.L. James is British. The characters she is writing about are not. This means that occasionally the characters end up saying or thinking things that I feel fairly certain no American young adult would say or think. Such as this:
[After Ana snaps at Kate] She blinks at me with surprise – I very rarely throw my toys out of the pram – and I briefly relent.
This was actually the first time I’d ever heard the phrase “throw my toys out of the pram” to describe an emotional outburst. People in the US don’t say this. We don’t say “pram,” that’s a Brit thing.
I wonder, how hard would it have been to simply rewrite the story to be in the UK? Now that it’s no longer trying to be Twilight fanfiction, it has no real reason to be taking place in Washington State.
Thoughts So Far:
Compared to the previous two chapters, I don’t actually think this one was that bad. It is important to note, however, that I still thought it was bad.
Ana seems to be behaving a little more like a normal person around Christian, in that she spends less time being a blushing puddle of OMG SEXUAL FEELINGS THAT SHE’S NEVER BEFORE EXPERIENCED and more time actually talking to him like a normal human. Or, should I say, somewhat like a normal human. She also seems a little less blatantly submissive in this chapter; when Christian asks probing questions, she asks them right back. I’m honestly a little impressed with her. Again, however, note that I am setting the bar so low that it is actually six feet under and you have to use a shovel to go below it.
Also, I like Kate. Thank god someone in this story has enough sense to recognize that a guy like Christian is not really the best thing for Ana. Sure, on the other hand the author is just setting up the “omg forbidden love!111!11!1” aspect of this relationship, but at least I’ve got someone to agree with now.
While we’re on the subject of Kate, I’ve been thinking about her character, and I think she was made to be tough and beautiful because the author wanted to counterbalance Ana’s submissive tendencies by having her best friend lean in the opposite direction. (Thus, in theory, avoiding being criticized for making women out to be a bunch of delicate, submissive little flowers.) In fact, Kate is portrayed to be nearly as commanding as Christian, leading to lines like this (context: Kate has just told Ana to do something for her):
Yes, Mistress. She is so domineering. I roll my eyes, but do as I’m told.
Now this is a D/s relationship I can get behind!
Seriously, though, Kate and Ana have more chemistry than Christian and Ana do, and that’s kind of sad because neither pair has a whole lot of chemistry.
To his credit, Christian is being less creepy than I expected him to be. He definitely has his moments of creep, but it’s not so bad in this chapter, which gives me hope. False hope, probably, but still hope!
Next time: find out if Ana and Christian kiss! (I’m betting they won’t, because there is no elevator there for them to kiss in, and it’s only chapter four. But still!)