Buckle your seatbelts.
Warnings for this chapter? Oh, nothing too bad. Just some casual misogyny, homophobia, and racism. And some implications of stalking. And some downright dubious treatment of Ana’s sexuality and/or romantic orientation. Pretty inoffensive for this book. You know.
Recap: Our protagonist Ana Steele was sent to interview entrepreneur Christian Grey in place of her sick roommate. Cue sexual tension.
Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter Two
Ana literally dashes out of Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc. HQ. Why? I’m not really sure. She then goes on to be completely befuddled as to why Christian has affected her so. Is it his looks? His civility? Wealth? Power? (Yes. What civility? Yes. Yes.)
The question of Ana’s sexuality is going to come up again later in this review, so I want to make it perfectly clear what is going on: Ana is not simply confused because she has never felt this way about somebody, she’s confused to a degree that implies she has no idea what a sexuality is. The entire concept seems foreign to her. It’s a very weird characterization decision, but we’ll talk more about all this later. Moving on.
On the drive home, Ana reflects on Christian some more. She concludes that he’s handsome but a dick, then revises this conclusion and decides that since he’s incredibly wealthy, his being a dick is justified. Can someone other than Ana be protagonist instead? Like, literally anyone else?
We cut to Ana arriving home. Home for her is a duplex apartment that Kate’s parents bought for Kate to live in, because apparently everyone save Ana is made of money. Ana pays rent but it’s dirt cheap since she and Kate are best friends. She’s lived here for the past four years. (Implying she and Kate met before college, though IIRC later chapters contradict this. But, y'know, why bother having your story make sense?)
Kate and Ana discuss the interview. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but this author is dreadful at dialogue. Kate and Ana don’t sound like college-age best friends holding a conversation with each other. They barely even sound like human beings. Without any prompting, and oblivious to what Kate is actually talking to her about, Ana launches into multiple descriptions of Christian Grey. Here’s one of them:
“Mostly he was courteous, formal, slightly stuffy – like he’s old before his time. He doesn’t talk like a man of twenty-something. How old is he anyway?”
Old before his time? How sexy! He’s twenty-seven, by the way, as Kate helpfully informs Ana and the reader. They continue to talk to each other in a way that does not in the slightest resemble normal human communication, ending when Ana announces that she’s going to her job at Clayton’s. Kate makes a cursory attempt to convince her otherwise then immediately gives up.
Clayton’s is a hardware store — the largest independent hardware store in the Portland area. What a claim to fame. Ana’s worked there since she started college. (Incidentally, Ana goes to Washington State University.) Ana inelegantly uses the topic of hardware stores to tell us that she’s “crap at any DIY” and “much more of a curl-up-with-a-book-in-a-comfy-chair-by-the-fire kind of girl.” I don’t care! Ana arrives at her job and gets to work stocking shelves.
And then cut to… Ana back home. Why was that entire hardware scene necessary? Kate is busy typing up the interview. When she sees Ana, she wonders aloud why Ana didn’t accept Christian’s offer to show her around, since Christian obviously wanted to spend more time with her. This is evidently not the sort of wondering that requires answers, as none are forthcoming and Kate immediately goes back to her work, leaving Ana to fidget and bite her lip over the thought of Christian wanting to spend more time with her. Kate pays no attention. These two are best friends?
A bit later, Kate brings up how good-looking Christian is, and Ana feigns disinterest in the subject. Kate doesn’t buy her disinterest and says that even Ana can’t be immune to Christian’s good looks. I guess it’s pretty established that Ana doesn’t get attracted to people. They argue about whether or not Grey has taken an interest in Ana (Kate thinks he has, Ana’s sure he hasn’t).
Kate also reveals that she threw in the “gay” question because she’d never seen Christian with a date in the society pages. Does Kate know that gay people can date too?
Ana works on an essay (on Tess of the D’Urbervilles) until midnight, then goes to bed and has vague dreams about Christian Grey. Really vague. Like, here’s the entire sentence describing them:
That night I dream of dark places, bleak white cold floors, and gray eyes.
See what I mean?
The rest of the week goes smoothly for Ana and Kate. They do their normal college kid shit. You know the action is really heating up when the author doesn’t even bother describing it.
Ana gives her mother in Georgia a call and learns that her mother is taking up candle-making. It seems her mother has no actual job and just tries random things to keep herself occupied. Is Ana’s mother permanently five years old? For that matter, is Ana herself permanently five years old? It could potentially explain a lot. Ana’s mother is on her fourth husband, and the latest one — creatively named Bob — is apparently “keeping an eye on her” in Ana’s absence. Boy, those womenfolk sure do need lookin’ after, men, amirite? Ana’s mother suspects that Ana’s met someone because Ana hesitates at one point while talking. Okay.
Ana also calls her stepdad Ray (I guess her bio dad is dead or otherwise out of the picture, because this guy — husband #2 of Ana’s mother — is who she considers to be her father). Ray is, like Bella’s dad, a quiet dude who seems perfectly content spending all his time doing man things like watching soccer and fishing. Also carpentry, which I guess is his job. Ana’s conversation with Ray is not even described, which makes me wonder why it even needed mentioning.
On Friday night, Ana’s friend José shows up unannounced with a bottle of champagne. José, who is this story’s Jacob Black except Mexican instead of Native American, has been friends with Ana since the first day of college. It also turns out that their dads were in the same army unit, so now their fathers are friends too. I don’t care! José is an engineering major even though his passion is photography. Through Ana’s narration, we learn that José is the first in his family to go to college. I wonder if the author majored in Racist.
José says he has news, and Ana asks him if the news is that he’s managed to avoid being kicked out for another week. Given that I don’t even know what he could possibly be kicked out for, as he sounds like a pretty good student and person from the author’s brief description, this joke was rather less hilarious than it was possibly intended to be. José’s news is actually that a gallery in Portland is going to be exhibiting some of his photos next month. Ana hugs him and Kate says she’ll put it in the paper. José then asks Ana to come to the opening with him, but the way he says it makes it sound like he’s asking her on a date. Ana gets embarrassed, because she likes José a lot but not as anything other than a friend, and she knows he’s got a crush on her. According to Ana:
He’s cute and funny, but he’s just not for me. He’s more like the brother I never had. Katherine often teases me that I’m missing the need-a-boyfriend gene, but the truth is – I just haven’t met anyone who… well, whom I’m attracted to, even though part of me longs for those trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies-in-my-belly, sleepless nights.
I mean, this could be cool asexual/aromantic representation except that we all know what Ana spends the rest of the book doing.
Ana continues her reflections:
Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Perhaps I’ve spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high.
See, I hate this because I know the author wants Grey to be a Byronic hero and that’s going to be the reason Ana’s attracted to him and not anyone else. Well, guess what? In order to write a Byronic hero you have to be able to actually write.
Ana is quick to point out to herself that she’s felt attracted to Christian, then immediately dismisses the idea and decides that she wasn’t attracted to him after all. She never answers José and the scene ends without resolving a damn thing.
The next day, Saturday, Ana is working at Clayton’s. It’s the start of the summer season, so the store is incredibly busy. Around lunchtime, there’s a lull and Ana sits down to eat her lunch while checking on some orders. Then she glances up and sees Christian Grey standing at the counter. In the words of Ana’s narration: Heart failure. (And yes, it’s italicized.)
Christian greets her fairly politely, though the whole time he’s staring at her intently in a way that I pictured as being kind of creepy, so I don’t know how polite that is. He explains to Ana — who has of course been rendered practically speechless — that he was in the area and needed to “stock up on a few things.” Let me guess: rope? Ana’s narration goes on and on about how he is the “epitome of male beauty” or something before the plot finally resumes and she manages to ask him what she can help him with. His reaction is to smile, “like he’s privy to some secret,” which I imagine means that he wants to tell her he has a nine-inch steel rod he’d like her to inspect for him or something else of that nature. Instead, he tells her he’d like some cable ties. Cable ties are intended for use with cables, usually electronics, but yes, Grey does want them for the reason you’re thinking.
(Side note: Christian is not in the area to see Ana. He’s funding research at the university she attends and wanted to check in on how it was going, or something like that. He may well be at the hardware store to see her, though, which would be highly creepy.)
Ana leads him to the cables while wondering what he’s going to use them for. Christian picks up some cables, smiles at her, and asks for masking tape. She asks him if he’s redecorating. He says he isn’t, and smirks. Ana wonders if she’s funny-looking and that’s why he’s laughing at her, a conclusion which really makes no sense. While he’s picking out the masking tape (he takes the widest kind they have in stock), he makes some small talk by asking her how long she’s worked there. At one point, while he’s selecting rope (called it), he asks her if she was a Girl Scout. This is only slightly less of a non-sequiter in context. She tells him organized group activities aren’t her thing, so he asks her what her thing is. Ana tells him she likes books, mainly classic British literature. This more or less ends the conversation, as is only fair, because being into centuries-old Brit lit is a really boring primary interest for a twenty-something to have. And I say that as somebody who majored in English literature.
Ana asks Christian if he needs anything else, and he asks what she’d recommend. She doesn’t know what he’s doing, but going on the assumption that he’s doing some type of DIY she recommends coveralls. So as not to ruin his clothing, she explains. He smirks and says he could always take his clothes off. Why am I expected to like this guy? Ana blushes, and then Christian decides to buy coveralls anyway. Uh, why? I assume that this stuff is actually for kinky purposes rather than DIY, so why does he need coveralls? Unless he plans to roleplay as a DIY enthusiast, I don’t see how this makes sense.
Christian asks about the article, and Ana explains that she’s not writing it, her roommate is. Ana also mentions that Kate wants some original photos of Christian Grey for the article. He says he’s in the area and that maybe they could arrange a shoot, and hands her his business card.
Just then, Paul Clayton, little brother of the hardware store’s owner and yet another of Ana’s male friends, shows up and gives Ana a hug. He’s home from Princeton (of course he is) for his brother’s birthday. Paul keeps an arm draped around Ana’s shoulder after releasing her from the hug, because like every other dude in this book he is required to have a crush on Ana. (I think he must have been Mike Newton in the original.) Christian isn’t too happy, and the two of them exchange hostile looks while Ana babbles through introductions. Once Paul realizes who Christian is, he’s awestruck and tries to be friendly, but Christian brushes him off. Christian pays for his things and leaves, telling Ana on the way out that he’s glad Kate couldn’t do the interview. Ana somehow interprets this as “I am definitely attracted to him but he can’t possibly like me,” and resolves to simply admire him from afar.
Omitted from this summary: several pages’ worth of pure sexual tension.
Holy Cow! Alert:
I halt at his expression, his eyes darkening. Holy cow.
This chapter also contains two instances of “holy crap.”
Great Prose Alert: The entire chapter could qualify. Here’s a few examples worth your notice:
His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel… or something.
My heart is pounding a frantic tattoo, and for some reason I’m blushing furiously under his steady scrutiny.
With my heart almost strangling me – because it’s in my throat trying to escape from my mouth – I head down one of the aisles to the electrical section.
“Are you in Portland on business?” I ask, and my voice is too high, like I’ve got my finger trapped in a door or something. Damn! Try to be cool Ana!
Quickly, with trembling fingers, I measure out five yards against the fixed ruler, aware that his hot gray gaze is on me.
Clueless Virgin Ana Alert: Ana and Christian accidentally brush fingers again, and once again she feels as if she’s been shocked:
I gasp involuntarily as I feel it, all the way down to somewhere dark and unexplored, deep in my belly.
Again, this woman is in her twenties.
Christian Grey Has Gray Eyes Alert: As we’re informed nine times in this chapter alone.
Did The Author Minor In Geology? Alert: Not once, but twicein this chapter a metaphor involving tectonic plates is used. Not the same metaphor. Two different metaphors. Involving tectonic plates.
And Now, A Word From Ana’s Subconscious Alert: One of the things I heard about this book before beginning it is that Ana has a lot of mental conversations with her “subconscious,” and, later, with her “inner goddess.” Her inner goddess (is that a euphemism?) hasn’t made an appearance yet, but her subconscious is just starting to get chatty.
[After Ana reflects on never having felt attracted to anyone] Until very recently, the unwelcome, still small voice of my subconscious whispers.
[Ana wonders why Christian is at Clayton’s] And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain – probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata where my subconscious dwells – comes the thought: he’s here to see you.
[When Ana learns why Christian is in the area] See? Not here to find you at all, my subconscious sneers at me, loud, proud, and pouty.
[Ana tries to calm herself down while talking to Christian] Try and be cool, Ana, my tortured subconscious begs on bended knee. [Foreshadowing?]
[In answer to the question “What is your thing?”] “Books,” I whisper, but inside, my subconscious is screaming: You! You are my thing!
I would think that an actual subconscious, being, you know, subconscious, would have a little less to say to Ana on a conscious level. But hey, what do I know?
Thoughts So Far:
Though this chapter is the same number of pages as the preceding one, it seems like a lot more happened in it. This is probably due to the first chapter being about 90% sexual tension, by my rough estimate. However, a lot of what happened in this one was just inelegant exposition-dumping, or meet-the-cast crap. The prose also seems worse in this chapter, especially during the Christian-Grey-comes-to-the-hardware-store scene. I worry that the author typed portions of it one-handed.
We learn a little bit more about Ana in this chapter, but we don’t learn a damn thing more about Christian except that he sometimes goes to hardware stores. Neither character is compelling so far.
Two more of Ana’s friends are introduced this chapter, both male, both based on Twilight characters, both with crushes on her. I’m starting to wonder what exactly makes Ana so attractive. She must possess simply amazing good looks to make up for her lack of any personality other than “I only get turned on by creepy businessmen.“
Let’s talk about the hardware scene, shall we? I guess it’s a semi-plausible way for them to bump into each other again, though I don’t get why Christian goes out in public to buy this stuff instead of ordering it online (since I’m sure he values privacy greatly), and I don’t know why a girl as clumsy as Ana would be working in a hardware store. It still seems like a bit much of a coincidence. Of course, it’s entirely possible that Christian knew she was working there, which, like I said before, is super creepy. However…
…all that aside, the scene is still crap. We get tons of description of how hawt HAWT HAAAWWWWWT Christian is, but that doesn’t do a damn thing for me as a reader. I get that he’s attractive; that’s practically the story’s premise. At this point, the author should be showing, not telling, how sexy this dude is. I don’t care whose damn POV it’s from, and if Ana is so incapable of coherent thought around this guy, maybe it shouldn’t be first-person.
The closest this scene gets to showing instead of telling is when Ana and Christian brush fingers. It’s obvious that this really turns Ana on, even though her narration doesn’t tell us “Holy cow, I’m so turned on right now!” Instead, when she speaks again her voice sounds “husky and breathy,” which surprises Christian. When he answers her, he sounds like he’s getting turned on too. This moment is also remarkably concise, only a few lines long. You know what annoys me, though? The only damn reason the author showed us instead of telling us was because Ana is so virginal she doesn’t recognize her own arousal or anyone else’s.
Edit: On a first read I was more inclined to give Christian the benefit of the doubt regarding some of his behavior in this chapter, most notably how he acts towards Paul. However, he’s clearly demonstrating jealousy and possessiveness as soon as Paul shows up and is a bit affectionate with Ana, and do I even need to start on how bad that is? It’d be bad enough if Ana and Christian were a couple, but as it is they barely know each other and Christian has not only no right, but no reason for such behavior. What’s more, I’m pretty sure this is an authorial attempt to hammer the point home that yes, Christian is interested in Ana, when that point has already been made abundantly obvious to everyone but Ana herself.
Two chapters in, I’m beginning to hate this book. And they haven’t even started fucking yet.