This chapter contains self-harm, violence, and a scene where a teenager is spied on in the bathroom by adults. Honestly, though, I’m making it sound worse than it is; the sheer ridiculousness of this story undercuts how serious said issues are by quite a lot.
Recap: Ebony and her band Bloody Gothic Rose 666 were rehearsing when Ebony broke down and confessed to the group that Voldemort told her to kill Vampire or else Draco will die. Draco heard this, yelled at Ebony, and ran off. Dumbledore then showed up to tell them that Draco was found in his room, having committed suicide by slitting his wrists, even though earlier in that same chapter Ebony told us that vampires (like herself and Draco) can’t be killed except with a cross or a “steak.”
AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus!
Like vampires attempting suicide? Yeah, deadly serious real-world issue there.
sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!
I haven’t commented on her “fangz” instead of “thanks” thing before, but, for the record, I think it’s kind of adorable.
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“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself.
Hey, Raven, you still editing this or nah?
Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.
I really don’t think he would, considering the context is her boyfriend just tried to kill himself (I’m assuming he didn’t succeed, because of course he didn’t, it’s chapter 11) and Ebony is likely running off to do something ill-advised herself. Also Dumbledore is gay, which I know wasn’t explicitly stated in the books but I figure his students knew; dude’s pretty flamboyant. Bright purple robes? C’mon.
Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume.
Big fan of how the phrasing implies her wrists got all over her clothes so she took her wrists off before getting in the bath.
I don’t know if the students have private bathrooms, but I’m betting that they don’t, at least not ones with bathtubs, because in the fourth book Harry had to sneak into the prefects’ bathroom in order to use the tub there.
I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.
That’d be pretty difficult with a steak. Even if it’s a T-bone.
I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings.
I like the transition from her being suicidally depressed to her getting dolled up for no real reason. What, is she wearing that to bed? What time is it?
I couldn’t fucking believe it.
Couldn’t fucking believe what?
Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it!
He was masticating to it. Got it.
(I don’t know where Tara got the idea that Snape and Lupin are pals from, but they knew each other in school and definitely don’t like each other. Lupin was friends with Harry’s dad, who used to bully Snape for being a greasy nerd, and Snape is absolutely still bitter over that.)
They were sitting on their broomsticks.
Just two dudes spying on a teenager taking the world’s most depressing bath.
“EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!” I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it.
She’s already dressed, it’s not clear how much Lupin and Snape saw, and, while two middle-aged dudes spying on a seventeen-year-old is still highly creepy, Ebony is an adult under Wizarding law, so I doubt anyone here would think of this as pedophilia.
Suddenly Vampire ran in.
That’s convenient. Why was he trying to get into Ebony’s bathroom?
“Abra Kedavra!” he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.
Wow, loving this trans representation!
I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke.
A gazillion times. How many bullets did Ebony have, exactly? Has she ever fired a gun before? I’m guessing most of those didn’t hit their mark.
Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. “Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…
Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
Hold the fuck up. Did Dumbledore just summon Hagrid? Why is everyone running into Ebony’s bathroom? How do you run outside on a broom?
Also, I’ve just remembered that Slytherin student areas are underground (they’re the only Hogwarts house without a tower), so the logistics of this scene make even less sense.
“What do you know, Hargrid? You’re just a little Hogwarts student!”
He’s actually neither of those things! Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts over fifty years prior, and he’s certainly not little.
“I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”
Not sure why that’s relevant, but okay.
“This cannot be.” Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore’s wand had shot him. “There must be other factors.”
“YOU DON’T HAVE ANY!” I yelled in madly.
I don’t even know what they’re on about now.
Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly.
Triumelephantly. Raven’s really sleeping at the wheel, huh?
“The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!”
Some really exciting footage of Ebony trying to kill herself with a steak on there. Valuable stuff.
I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.
We all know that feeling.
“Why are you doing this?” Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.
Why are you doing what? No one’s really doing anything. Lupin even appears to be done masticating at this point.
And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him.
Is Tara high? What is going on?
I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.
I’d say the latter, but Lupin is outside and Ebony is inside, so it’s gonna be hard for her to manage that.
“BECAUSE…BECAUSE….” Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.
You can find me in the club, bottle full of blood
Look mami, I got that steak if you into being dead
I’m into HAVING SEX (c is dat strupid?) I ain’t into makin’ love
So come give me a hug if you into Satanism
…hey, it doesn’t rhyme, but I did what I could.
“Because you’re goffic?” Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.
I don’t really think Snape, who is/was a Death Eater, would really care about someone being “connected with Satan.” Also, Tara keeps implying that Satanism is a Slytherin House thing, and Snape was in Slytherin as a student and is now the head of Slytherin House, so…
“Because I LOVE HER!”
I… what?